It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
