I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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