At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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