A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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