My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize