I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
