Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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