No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.