I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake