I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday