Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
