he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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