What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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