Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
