direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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