we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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