apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
