what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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