Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
wanna go halves on a baby?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
