OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
