the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
you had me at cake vodka
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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