y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
