good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
