Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
