Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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