I am in a vortex of obligation.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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