last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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