If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
