**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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