Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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