How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
