I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
