....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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