This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
