I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
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Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
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Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize