i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
