If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
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I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
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We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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