Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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