you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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