I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
