all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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