I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
