Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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