No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
