just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
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One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
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she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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