I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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