i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
