i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
