I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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