careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
