Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
