first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
