I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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