hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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