Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
i now understand why vodka
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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