STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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