he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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