i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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