I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
