i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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