Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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