Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
