I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
So many bounce houses so little time
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
