That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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