Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize