epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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