our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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