Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Do vagina's smell?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
